Hollywood is perplexed by the fact that the vast rightwing religious, zealot, homophobic, fanatics haven’t protested the gay sheep-boy movie that the left is gushing over. What’s to protest? Let the marketplace decide whether it wants to see two men play . . . newsflash for Howard Dean . . . the real meaning of “hide the salami.” But besides being anatomically challenged, proving once again that public education does not provide kids with a basic understanding of what functions specific body parts play, what point would a protest make?

All a protest of a very boring and mediocre rooster flick would prove is that stereotypes are easy to ascribe too if all parties play the roles the other parties have defined for them. All conservatives and Christians . . .according to the left, are automatically, de facto, homophobic, once again illustrating the grand failure of the public schools to appropriately equip their little minions with even the correct pejoratives to sling at anyone who doesn’t embrace their agendas. Homo (latin) . . . as in homo sapien . . . means “man” . . . phobic . . . is “fear of.” No one is afraid of “man” unless this man is perhaps saying “believe in my god or you lose your head.” So we could start saying homoislamophobic, but then the same open-minded liberals who condemn anyone for not embracing their ideologies would complain about anyone being called homoislamophobic, which means fear of an extremist Islamic fundamentalist man, who would cut off your head for not believing in his form of compassionate theology, is being intolerant and mean-spirited. But somehow . . .calling someone just plain old, homophobic, is not being intolerant and mean-spirited.

But all that is so tedious and hard to massage into a palatable, 20-second sound bite for a populace educated in public schools. (Yes, this is a duel-themed commentary, the second added as a minor irritant.) So let me simplify the logical origin of a complaint about the sheep boy movie that ironically will not be dispensed by the usual suspects from the vast right wing lineup, but should be by the feminists.

Let’s break it down. The feminists have claimed for decades that there is a good old boys network that excludes women, reduces them to irrelevant props in a world drama of ideas controlled and dominated by men. Women are second-class, redundant, and unnecessary for anything other than child bearing. They are to be seen and not heard, remain shoeless in a masculine world and pregnant with the agenda of a male dominated society that does not even regard women as worthy of intimate relations.

The sheep boy movie is a mockery of any relationship where woman is a principal partner and shows that truly, the good old boy network can not only function economically, politically and socially without women . . .but does not regard their intimate relations as a necessary element of culture, and nature. Their most intimate part of their body . . .their vagina . . . is equated to an anus and the functions are determined by this elite group of misogynists, as being interchangeable. And the term “oral” has morphed from meaningful conversation to momentary pleasure paired with simultaneous degradation. Ask Oprah for the details. Their clothes, dress, style and demeanor is further mocked and distorted by men who strut in satins and preen in panties. Women have become the bottom feeders in society as their very existence is mocked ridiculed, reviled and demeaned.

So . . .where are the feminists to revolt against this chauvinistic, misogynist demagoguery? They have become so irrelevant and ridiculous that it is no wonder the men have pleasure at their expense. They have been reduced to caricatures of themselves as they struggle like the proverbial elephant dung cleaner to keep up with the mess that they have created, and their offspring, female-hating men, have produced.

They are the mothers of the misogynist sheep boys who detest the anti-nurturing ways of women who wanted to be men and sacrificed their very virtue on the alter of equality. They are the spawn of vanity and egotism that claimed they could have it all without the tethered burden of a man to bring her down. She could give birth to the child, raise him alone with a day care center full of countless souls searching for the one person they could love unconditionally. They were irrelevant then, and are today.

Feminists have successfully etched themselves off the totem of life, the monolith of society. They are not only a dying breed, but a mocked group of soulless, pitiful beings who gave their whole lives denying their existence, rejecting their femininity, striving to be like men, only to have the very group they emulated, denounce them as irrelevant anus-like beings who have nothing that a man could possibly want . . .except to bear him a child that he can remake into his own image . . . the image of man without the need of a woman to love.

Sheep boys “one” . . . feminists “zero.”

I was having a hard time deciding whether to comment on Tim Robbins temper tantrum at the National Press Club on April, 15, or change my shelf paper. Neither are really necessary, both are tedious, and no real impact is made on life as we know it, if neither is done.

Tim, who is actually a very good actor, tried to stretch his thespian abilities by donning the demeanor of righteous martyr for all oppressed victims. He sounded more like he was trying out for a modern version of a Greek tragedy. It was almost as though his mother had written the speech and forced him to “deliver” it, because when it came to the softball questions, handed to him with talking points attached, he seemed unsure of himself, almost as though he forgot the impassioned speech he had just, moments before, delivered.

It was such a huge relief too, to find that after his speech, warning the world that, “A chill wind is blowing in this nation . . . being sent through the White House and its allies . . . [that] if you oppose this administration, there can and will be ramifications,” that he wasn’t carted away in handcuffs. For a guy who claims there is no tolerance for opposing views and free speech any more, he sure got a lot of play time. I heard him mentioned on every channel I turned to on the radio and TV. Even C-SPAN carried his entire speech, and the objects of his derision, Fox News, et al, responded in kind.

But a question I would have asked Mr. Robbins, or his mommy, waiting in the wings, would be . . . Where was he when Clinton was bombing the Sudan, Afghanistan, Iraq, and Serbia, without any UN resolutions or Hollywood’s approval? Where was his opposition to the torching and murder of innocent people in Waco, Texas? What did he think about Janet Reno’s Commandos, breaking into a private home in Florida, to return a terrified little boy to a dictator 90 miles away? Has he ever spoken out against THAT dictator, OR Saddam Hussein, as vehemently as he condemns his own president? Does Ruby Ridge ring a bell? Where has he been when abortion protesters have been jailed for praying peacefully in front of abortion clinics in the hopes of saving the lives of unborn children and their mothers? Where is he when school children are told they can’t pray in school, bring their Bibles, gather around flag poles, or wear T-shirts that declare their faith? Where was he when the Boy Scouts were castigated for upholding their constitutional rights to freedom of association? Where has he been when Christians are portrayed as idiots, perverts, and psychopaths in Hollywood while decadence and debauchery are elevated to art forms?

The envelop please. Your performance was lacking not only in sincerity, but in consistency. Your self-righteous diatribe against everyone and everything that doesn’t continue to worship at the alter of the liberal elite, and Hollywood in particular, conveys a more transparent reason for your speech. You guys are no longer on the unchallenged pedestal of public approval. You have been replaced by real men and women who believe in something greater than themselves. People who will actually give their lives so others might have freedom . . . yes Tim . . . even freedom to make public fools of themselves. The new heroes are people who will challenge political status quo to do what is right morally, while potentially hurting their political careers, or risk being described as heading a “regime.”

And this new position of irrelevance that you and several other actors now occupy, was not caused by the “vast right-wing conspiracy,” which you claim, “fill the airwaves everyday with warnings, veiled in unveiled threats, spewed invective and hatred directed at any voice of dissent.” Which is, ironically, what you were doing to Dale Petroskey, by saying he belonged “with the cowards and ideologues in a hall of infamy and shame,” after Petroskey canceled a scheduled Cooperstown salute to your baseball movie “Bull Durham.” What caused this fall from the iconocentric dynasty, was when you and your Hollywood buddies started moonlighting in political adventurism and America has responded by saying . . . “Don’t give up your day job.” We love the fantasy of seeing you as just another multimillionaire, beautiful person we can all hope to emulate. That doesn’t mean you don’t have the right to say what you think . . . and Tim . . . you know that. We just don’t HAVE to listen. It’s sort of like American Idol . . . where everyone is a critic and no feelings are spared in slicing and dicing those who really think the world wants to hear them warble “Blowing in the Wind.”

And as for Cooperstown, gee, it looks like their instincts were right. You have only proven their point that you and your “mom” are lose cannons without an ounce of discretion and dignity and will throw globally televised tantrums to try and prove that you really are relevant. “I am, I am . . . listen to me . . .I am really important and have something really, really important to say.”

In fairness to your claim that you are being silenced, I can totally understand that type of discrimination and arbitrary silencing so I ask you as a fellow victim . . . will you give me a part in your next movie? No? Well, aren’t you silencing me? Isn’t that a chilled wind of oppression blowing in my direction because you would be denying me the right to perform for the world? Just because I think I am worthy, good, talented and have something meaningful to share with society as an actress, real professionals know that I don’t.

So next time your “mom” makes you give a big boy speech that makes you sound like a whiny little boy, you need to suggest that maybe you both go change some shelf paper, take a few deep breaths and . . .get over it, because you are the only ones putting an expiration date on your professional shelf life . . . not the millions who choose to switch channels.

Dear Colonel Love…..

Tonight I received an unexpected phone call from a good friend ( A Major in the Reserves, Mike Deault, that knows I fought in the RVN in the 1st Cav… as a Platoon Leader )…..He scammed two early viewing tickets to the movie “WE WERE SOLDIERS ” at the Ft.Belvior Military Theater….. he asked me if I wanted to go….

Earlier this month ( after thinking about it for almost 3 weeks ) I finally went and saw “Blackhawk Down “…as I had been in the exact same area going Medical Relief 4 and 1/2 months earlier( protected by a platoon of young stud Marines commanded by a giant {6’ 6”} of a man Major Mike Collier ) with Larry Jones “Feed the Children ” operatives… in a rather tumultuous time there….we were shot at during the Med Mission and even attacked by Adides people as I drove to the airport days later resulting in injuries of several Marines…. there was turmoil and firing everywhere….and a lot of death … and the smell of death… and rot everywhere…..The point being… it took me awhile to go see the movie…..as I really wanna by-pass the realities of that nasty event….and what led us there.

So, I agreed to go to tonight’s movie with great reservation…. to see a chunk of what I experienced in my youth…. where I turned 21 in the Bong Song…..Vietnam……I left the movie….all I could think of is how you and LTC.Hal Moore were so similar….deeply religious, courageous, led by example w/ the deepest of Professionalism and Knowledge…..you knew how to extract the best and the most from your men through a firm but fair Leadership…..I am so very grateful to GOD that you were my Battalion Commander….as was my then retired “Brown Shoe ” Army LTC Father…..who knew you through my letters to him at home during that arduous time….

You were an inspiring Leader. I used many of your examples as I matured…. some kept my alive in later years in the other 26 conflicts I went to. In particular, I remember the “Love walk & look” ….which I later used in El Salvador when I did my Reserve Duty in that particular hard conflict. Shoulders back, chin out, a longer gait, looking into the eyes of Salvadorian or Philippine or Colombian Soldiers… or our our Troops…. sitting on the platforms of the UH-IH’s … as you boarded with them…. the Look was “lets go kick some ass”………….your emphsis on trainning….it goes on and on….plain LEADERSHIP BY EXAMPLE stuff.

When you see the movie….. know that your men always looked at you with that same respect and admiration…..as they were looking at Colonel Moore…..

When you finally decide to go see the movie, it will make you proud of all our service.

Gratefully, Your former 3rd Platoon Leader, C Company 2/5th, 1 Airmobile Calvary….”Ready Sir ” ANDY MESSING

Let’s see, the tally is . .. unions, trial lawyers, entertainment, and now the adult porn industry all supporting Democrat candidates. And those supporting Republicans are the greedy Americans who don’t want to be penalized for being married or for dying.

OK, it’s a fair race so far. But what does this list of Democrat supporters tell you about who will be running a Gore White House? Look at what they stand for, what they’ve been promised, and how much they’re spending to get an office next to Al’s.

The unions alone are spending over $40 million. Did someone say campaign finance reform? And the adult porn industry, holding its annual meeting has a session called, “How to get Democrats in office and defeat the Republicans.”

One of their speakers has said, “A Republican . .. President and Congress could greatly hinder the success and growth of the adult [porn] Internet industry.”

So the tally again is… Gore gets the votes of people trying to destroy the fabric of society, exploit women and children and force socialism on us, while Bush still gets that same greedy bunch who want tax cuts and the government to leave them alone.

Gee, that’s going to be a tough one for families to decide.

The Senate Commerce Committee held hearings on the FTC report that shows the entertainment industry is peddling adult material to kids.

It’s so cute to hear the producers of this junk say that it is the American way to let each family make their own decisions, not people in Washington, the media or congress. Yet if these same families decide to opt their kid out of mandatory sex education, which is a euphemism for teaching every sexual practice imaginable, they are ridiculed.

If they suggest that their kids have filtered access to the Internet at school, or not be forced to read books on witch craft and Eastern religions, they are labeled intolerant.

If they want a choice as to where to send their kids to school, suggesting that their tax dollars be used for vouchers, they are called greedy and selfish.

If they unplug TV and cable, they are called abusive.

If they monitor what movies their kids watch, they are called old-fashioned.

So maybe instead of hearing from the people who make billions off kids, we should hear from the parents of these kids who are now told it is their sole responsibility to make sure this slime doesn’t creep under their front doors. And that IS the decision most families make.

It was fascinating to read the reviews of the movie Patriot and then see a totally different show. Thankfully I have developed the reverse theory of movie reviews.

If it gets four stars, I know we are in for a movie like “Leaving Las Vegas.” When they trash it as being simplistic, or redundant, I know I will love it.

The complaint the reviewers had of Patriot is that history is not a pretty picture and showing only one farm burning is sufficient, two redundant, and three is overkill.

Guess what guys?  Sitting freely behind your computer terminals trashing the memories of men who died to give you this freedom… hundreds of homes, villages and churches were torched by the British. Sorry for the redundancy.

And if the idea of showing young boys ambushing soldiers with… gasp… guns is offensive… then maybe you need to only review movies that have a G rating where fantasy usually prevails.

It is unfortunate that these reviewer’s liberal sensibilities are bruised by a two hour reinactment of four years of living hell for the people who fought and died for their right to whine. But I do appreciate their consistency though.

I can be sure that a one star review is going to be great and four star a real stinker.

The movie industry always seems to have a reason why they should not be held to the same politically correct standards as everyone else.

They want the right to show anything, but will not shoulder any responsibility for what their movies teach. They claim that it is artistic and it reflects society but denounce anyone in society who does things shown in their movies.

In spite of political correctness, society is continuing to pack weapons, smoke cigarettes, do drugs, break the law, use the “N” word. So is that a reflection of society or not?

I let my nine-year-old son see the first three minutes of a movie to hear the opening music by his favorite composer. Before I could hit the controls… he heard the “N” word for the first time in his life. I told him it was not a nice word and not to use it. He asked what it meant. I told him it was a very bad word that people used in the past, for people of color. He said, “Well he just used it.”

If my response was, it’s just a movie, not reality, it undermines the industry’s claim that they are reflecting reality. So maybe the answer is that the politically correct liberals in the entertainment industry hold themselves accountable to the same standards they hold the rest of the country to.

Stop hiding behind artistic license to perpetuate stereotypes about groups of people, while denying they are promoting this behavior. Otherwise I have to tell my son the industry is full of hypocrites with two sets of standards

I was reminded the other night why I don’t watch Saturday Night Live anymore. I used to love it with John Belushi, Dan Akroyd, Gilda Radner, and Eddie Murphy who were real comedians that didn’t rely on trashing someone’s character to get a few laughs.

I had never heard of a Brave’s player named John Rocker, but after the horrific impersonation the show made of him, I know he must be a nice person. Both he and his father were maligned as being nuts and having an incestuous relationship because of an interview in Sports Illustrated where John gave an opinion about riding the subway in New York… an observation shared by millions.

He was ridiculed for stating an opinion, and making a poignant remark on society as a whole. Could that same observation be extended to the writers, producers, directors of Saturday Night Live who repeated the opinion by way of perverted exaggeration?

What kind of country have we become when stating an opinion is an excuse for character assassination, and acting out the opinion, is considered hip humor. There is nothing mature, funny or noble about using the public airwaves to destroy a person’s character.

People from several Arab nations are upset that Disney is deviating from the fantasy path in an exhibit at Epcot Center, and actually showing the truth.  They are portraying Jerusalem as the Capitol of Israel and several Arab leaders are upset by this.

At first blush you wonder why they need to convince Disney to ignore the truth. Remember that they had no trouble in saying that Pocahontas and John Smith were romantically linked, or that young gazelles get together and celebrate the birth of a young lion, who will one day have them for dinner.

But they must be counting on the company that convinces us that mice and ducks talk, to create more magic for them and make something that isn’t a reality.

But no matter how much pressure the Arabs put on Disney, and no matter how many times Disney waves its magic wand and sprinkles fairy dust… they just are not going to be able to get around the fact that Jerusalem is the Capitol of Israel.

But if they do pull off another revisionist ploy, will it really matter? We aren’t talking about the Library of Congress here. This is, after all, fantasy land and you make up your own truth as you go along.

Apparently, movie critic Tom Shales thinks that Jack Valenti is practicing censorship by insisting upon ratings for movies. He claims that he harms the work of “serious filmmakers who tackle challenging themes.” He’s very upset that an orgy scene in “Eyes Wide Shut” has been blocked from view by a few clothed participants.

To not tell viewers what they are going to be paying good money to go see, would be like allowing food manufacturers to keep the ingredients off a container of food, or keep the cancer warning off the side of a carton of cigarettes.

He whines about the anonymous people who sit on the panel of raters of the Motion Pictures Association of America as “people with no credentials . . .. [who] dictate to the rest of the country.”  Tom, if they are anonymous, how do you know they have no credentials?

But if he is so concerned about censorship in America, he should begin rallying immediately for a complete and thorough teaching of the Bible… or maybe even an uncut film version.

Now that would cause a real conflict in the ratings world. This is Nina May reminding Tom, that there is nothing new under the sun, even in an uncut version of “Eyes Wide Shut.”